Faces That Haunt
by AhmoseInarus
Summary: Let Me In: 33 - for the All the Colors of the Rainbow Challenge on CCOAC Forum. Reid is grieving at the grave of someone that he couldn't save. Hotch is there to help him stand tall again.


Faces That Haunt

Ahmose Inarus

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Criminal Minds, I just do this cuz I love it.

CAN be slash, CAN be part of the 'Let Me In' series, but can be stand alone, too.

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><p>This is for the 'All the Colors of the Rainbow' challenge from the Chit Chat On Author's Corner Forum. the first sentence of the story was my prompt. Originally, I was going to write about Reid visiting Emily's grave AFTER finding out she's still alive but that was TOO easy… So I'm literally just winging it with NO idea where this is going to go! WOOT!<p>

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><p>The heavy raindrops fell harshly on the shivering body kneeling at the grave, turning his fingers and lips blue from the cold. The drops rolled down the pale face, some frigid and cold, and others, hidden amongst the rain, were hot and salty. The trembling fingers reached out and gently traced the carved letters of the name…<p>

'RYAN J. PHILLIPS'

Eyes closed, Spencer Reid couldn't help but see the face of the young man that the grave belonged to… relatively handsome, with short brown hair and a thin, scruffy goatee and mustache… the face was twisted in fear, and tears fell from his eyes while blood fell from his split lip…

Reid tried to avoid reliving it, but his eidetic memory wouldn't let him escape… and before he knew it, he was there again… in that bathroom in the High School, staring at Jack Vaughn, his daughter Lindsay by his side, pointing it at the kid on the floor…

He had told Jack to put the gun down, and as soon as Ryan saw him, the gun in his hands and letters on his ballistics vest, he had desperately begged the young Agent, not much younger than Ryan himself, to help him.

"Jack, put down the gun." Reid heard himself saying, loudly and firmly. But Lindsay wasn't willing to let Ryan go… Reid had to admit, he couldn't blame her… she had seen Ryan rape and strangle her best friend, Katie… And throughout the case, that's all Reid was thinking about… this son of a bitch had raped and murdered a teenage girl. But when he had seen him, on the floor and begging for his life, all Reid could see was a terrified kid…

He was insisting that he hadn't laughed at Katie when she was begging for her life… he had desperately tried to tell Jack Vaughn that he would take it back if he could… Reid wondered if Ryan had been sincere, or if it was just because he was in fear for his life…

"I told him to put down the gun." Reid suddenly said, knowing that the figure under the tree behind him was listening. "But Lindsay was telling him to kill Ryan… Ryan was begging… he said he would change it if he could… I reminded Jack of the promise he had made to his wife… that he would protect Lindsay… I tried to make him see that the violence and death was what his wife had wanted him to protect her from… but I think it was already too late for him to protect her from it… she was calm in the face of danger… she was begging him to kill Ryan right there in front of her… I told Jack that his entire life had been about violence, and if he killed Ryan like that, Lindsay's life would be about violence too…" Reid gave a humorless smile. "But… I think it already was, wasn't it? Why else would she be begging her father to kill a kid only a few years older than her, right there in front of her…?"

Reid sighed and shook his head. "I was arrogant. I thought I could stop him. I thought I was in control… but I was fooling myself. I never was. There was no stopping Jack."

"… what happened?" The voice behind him asked.

"… I asked him when the violence was finally going to end." Reid whispered.

"What did he say?"

"… Tomorrow."

There were the soft sound of shoes moving through the wet grass, and then the rain stopped falling as an umbrella moved to hover over the young agent on the ground.

"He pulled the trigger. And I watched… I watched Ryan's head… explode. I… I've never seen someone actually being… by… a shotgun… it… it was everywhere, it… the blood… and… his face was gone, Hotch… it was just… blood and bone and… brain matter and… And he was dead. But…"

"… But?"

"I could still hear him. Crying… begging…" There was a hand on Reid's shoulder. "… I still can. And that's when the cravings came back… "

"And the case in Texas?"

"When we were going to apprehend Owen Savage, all I could see… all I could hear… was Ryan, begging for his life… and that shot…"

Reid suddenly blurted out a humorless laugh. "And now I have another face haunting me for the rest of my life. Like Adam Jackson… Owen Savage… Tobias…"

Hotch sighed, and held out a hand. Reid looked up, and after a moment, he took it. Hotch pulled his youngest agent to his feet, and stared into his red-rimmed eyes.

"You can't save them all… You're going to have to accept that. And you can't keep count. It doesn't work like that."

"… It should." Reid said, giving the man a shadow of a smile as they were both reminded of their conversation on the plane ride back from the Owen Savage case. "How many more will there be?" Reid asked. "How many more faces will haunt me to the grave?"

"In this job, there will always be more. You can't let it get to you, Reid." Hotch said, and Reid felt the tears welling up in his eyes. Hotch moved in and gave him a tight, much needed embrace. Reid sniffled loudly. After a bit, Hotch stepped back. "Just know that the team is here for you. Now let's get you back to the hotel. You need to get out of those clothes before you get sick."

"Actually, the idea that getting sick from—"

"Reid."

"… Sorry." Reid muttered. Hotch just smiled and shook his head, beginning to make his way back to the car. "Hey Hotch?" He paused and turned. "Can you do me a favor?"

"… Anything." Hotch said, frowning slightly.

"Promise me that the day that it stops getting to me…" Reid said, staring the man in the eye, "you'll pull me from the field." Hotch blinked, surprised, but then he gave the young man a small smile and nod.

"I promise."

"… thanks."

"Anytime. Now come on. Let's go home."

And the pair walked across the storm-darkened cemetery side by side, leaving the dead to their rest.

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><p>Please review!<p> 


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